Here it is, the obligatory reflection blog. I guess this is what everyone writes at the end of the year, right?

Here we go:

This year was good, really good. I did and learned a lot - maybe too much. I started 2019 reading all these motivation books. I read both Rachel Hollis books, which made me feel invincible. I related to her so much that I really did and still do believe I can do anything if I'll just stop apologizing about being a woman who is better at marketing than laundry. 

I started listening to podcasts and found a woman named Amy Porterfield. This chick is the very definition of fire. Weekly I learned so much from her for free that I decided to pay a holy fortune for a class that will certainly shape 2020. Not just Amy's but many podcasts were a large part of 2020, at least until fall - when all of a sudden I was "yessing" like it was 2015 and overwhelm began.

Through my course with Amy, I learned all kinds of new things. I learned to screen record, record a podcast myself, operate my camera through my phone, lifestream, start learning groups, create email funnels, create a webinar, and the list continues. With all this learning, for me at least, came a sense of obligation to use that knowledge. That obligation then led panic attacks and chest pains. 

This year started with intense motivation and ended with an intense longing for peace. That sounds sad but it's not. I'm ending this year professionally in a good place. I know now I can learn all the new things but I don't necessarily need to or want to use all of that, all at once. 

Personally, it was a GREAT year. Watching a baby turn into a toddler again was pretty spectacular and looks different through 37 year old eyes. I found myself overly aware that this phase is short so I tried to not miss much. Cole started the year as a sweet little 7 month old big eyed baby and ended as a wild 19 month toddler that is into everything. Literally, everything. 

Gracie and Emma started 2019 as homeschooled 2nd and 4th grade kiddos and ended as successful Mt. Hope Christian Academy warriors. 

Gracie made her first school basketball team, joined the worship team and has so far made straight A's - with a lot of studying required. 

Emma has thrived at school. She won the science and social studies fair, has also made straight A's, and raised nearly $1,000 for bibles for patients at Ruby Memorial Hospital. 

Katie, most of you know a lot about Katie. Her year has been good - there is a lot that goes into a 16 - 17 year old year. She worked really hard to get better at her sport and it paid off. She was able to play in every single game for Woodrow and at the end of the season was awarded with an Honorable Mention All-State award. I always feel like it goes without saying that she makes straight A's but that is one smart chick. I think her average is like 4.5 or something. 

Tim and I have traveled a lot. We lived the dream - I thought I wanted - that actually left us quite tired. I always wanted to visit new places every month and we nearly did that in 2019. I asked Tim of all of our trips this year, which he liked best and he quickly responded our last weekend trip to Pigeon Forge. Why? Because it was the only one I didn't work. 

There is a lesson here for everyone: 

I get DM's almost daily that I live your dream. That people dream of traveling and working for themselves - which I totally get and support BUT there is so much behind all of that. I would NEVER work for a boss that required me to do all the things I require of myself.  From the looks of instagram and facebook, it's all fun over here running a highly successful wedding photography business - for which I am eternally grateful - but there are days I LONG for my evenings when I was a teacher. When I left work at 2:30 pm.

Friends, the grass ISN'T always greener. Be still. Look around. Stop wishing your life away for someone else's. Maybe, just maybe 2020 should be the year of ENOUGH. I have enough. I am enough.

I'm tired of the more. 

My mind hasn't actually turned off in a few years. You might think I'm exaggerating but I told Tim at the end of November that I felt like I was on a treadmill that never turned off. Occasionally it would raise up, sometimes slow down, but never turn off. The sad part is, I was in charge of all of the buttons and would just never pull the plug. 

In 2020, I VOW to make better life decisions when it comes to overworking myself. I am a highly capable individual that can succeed on 5 hours of sleep and 70 hours a week of work but I don't want to anymore. 

I'm starting 2020 reading a book called, "To Hell with the Hustle." It's a Christian book that I hope will shape this year. So far I've gathered that book is about, "What the crap are you doing and why are you doing so much of it?" 

I pray that 2020 is full of backyard vacations, homemade coffee dates, paying down bills instead of paying for HUGE trips. I know I will go through phases as I do, and will be insanely motivated to take on the world every now and then but I pray on those days I still have the wisdom to say no to the extra and I pray the same for each of you. 

Happy New Year!