To understand exactly how ADDING something in my life, brought myself and my family more peace, we need to rewind a bit.
I am a GO-GETTER by nature. I love doing all the things and for the longest time, stillness left me with anxiety. As I mature, I realize more and more, that was because stillness meant I would have to hear my own thoughts and deal with my own crap (but that's a blog for another day).
In 2012, I left my teaching job to pursue photography full time and although it was certainly a wonderful decision, that I do not regret, it came with a lot of responsibilities and time commitments that I was not prepared for. In the beginning of any business, the owner typically works A LOT (like a whole lot). In the beginning of my business I worked all the time. You see, I quit my teaching job to spend more time with my kids and be in control of my time. I told myself that I would be perfectly satisfied to match my teaching income of a mere $32,000. That was the dream. Simple.
A wise woman once told me, "The more money you have, the more you will need." I didn't know how spot on that truly was until I was overcome with exhaustion, work, and anxiety.
Within a year, my salary had doubled. The next year, tripled. I was making more money than I ever thought I could doing exactly what I loved and somewhere in the middle of it, had lost the vision.
I kept saying yes. Yes, I'll add your daughter, Yes, I can work next Sunday. Yes, I can rush the edits. Yes, I can meet you 45 minutes away. YES. YES. YES. The money grew, along with the pressure.
This is real entrepreneur stuff right here.
In 2015 on the way to Pittsburgh for my birthday I had a true mental breakdown. My breath was short, my nerves felt like ants crawling on my skin, and I cried (I don't cry). On the outside, I looked amazing. I was tan and at my favorite weight of 125 lbs. On the outside, I was the success story. I had tripled my income and was on track for my first 6 figure year - a little girl from a tiny southern WV town. My pictures were on magazines, I was shooting weddings all of the country and had ads across the internet and I was broken.
After the breakdown that woke me up, I tried to simplify and set boundaries.
I did well, for a while, until - "The more money you have, the more money you'll need." Proved true again. We had taught our kids that vacations were frequent and grande. We had taught ourselves the same thing. We had taught our children that Christmas was HUGE and Santa must love them a whole freaking lot. We had taught our kids that we would say yes more than no, at the expense of our peace and sanity.
Every year I would have cycles of getting this under control but more often than not, people wanted pictures, so I took them. My sessions would sell out, so I added more. After all, I didn't want them going somewhere else. Retrospectively, this was very selfish.
2020 hit and my business closed. Money stopped coming in and I had exactly what I thought I had longed for, time. Plenty of time. This was my chance to breathe. Right? Turns out, breathing without an income is tough. The ironic thing was, with plenty of time, I had NO extra money and felt just as anxious and nervous as when I was swimming in it.
Balance is the hardest thing to attain in adulthood, in my opinion.
I knew I needed time, freedom, and peace but the truth is to have those things, I also needed MONEY. Yep, MONEY.
I didn't feel peace working 80 hours a week making $100,000 a year and I didn't feel peace working none relying on Tim's income.
I decided I would start a side hustle. I took on something when my instincts yelled at me not to but I did so because I truly believed in the product, and it was pulling my out of my funk. I had been so tired and was dealing with my stress by eating. What I found helped me and I thought maybe I could help others in the same boat. I was terrified that saying yes to something new would be just adding more and pushing me closer and closer to the 2015 mental breakdown me but I also knew in 2020, I was VERY NON-ESSENTIAL and a teachers income couldn't support all of us. Furthermore, even if I made no money, at least I would feel good about helping other people feel better too.
So the side hustle began.
This side job has done so much for myself, my husband, and my family in terms of balance and peace which I think most assume it would do the opposite.
For us, the extra income:
1). Was exactly what I needed to be able to say yes to only the sessions that light me up, making me a better more peaceful photographer.
2). Was what Tim needed to have peace in not to take on another job over the summer, making him a more present father.
3). Was what we both needed to say yes to more date nights and no to working on Friday evenings, making us a better HAPPIER couple.
4). Was what I needed to confidently take an actual day off (even without editing), again, making me a better, more peaceful woman.
5). Was what I needed to have more evenings home to eat dinner with my family and do some of the driving to dance, making me feel like a better mom and live without the guilt of never being home for the mundane mom stuff that Tim had previously needed to do alone.
The truth is I could give you MANY MORE reasons why a side hustle reduced my stress, instead of adding to it but I will stop for now.
Why did I write a blog on this? Because I think so many women are looking for peace and are terrified of adding something else, I GET IT. I think so many women are afraid to admit that an additional income could help bring peace and balance in their life because we are living in a society where the only right answer is less is more. But for some, less is less.
For me, less wasn't more, not entirely. In order for me to have the breathing room, I needed to shoot less, edit less, say yes less, but still have the income to provide more for my family and the "side-hustle" money that I was able to make from my couch is what is leading us to a more peaceful, productive, and profitable life.
Ladies, do what you need to do, to create the life you want to live and don't apologize along the way.
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